I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
