It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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