dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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