I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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