creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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