there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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