so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize