fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
