shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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