I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
