Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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