My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
