Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
