Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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