Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
