burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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