I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
