My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If I die, sorry about rent.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
