so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
