I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
