Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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