I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
