so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
