Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Randomize
