so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
