Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
