I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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