i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
