in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
