Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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