fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
