she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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