Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I love you.
Bad choice
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
