Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
