Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
being pregnant is like rehab
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
