Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
