She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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