he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
