Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
