we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
