im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
