My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Randomize
