I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
