I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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