Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
