On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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