I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
