Im at strip club and am horny
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
