remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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