True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
