I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
