my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize