If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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