I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize