Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I think my vagina is haunted
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
