I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
