You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
