I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Drake has all the answers
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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