the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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