Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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