she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
