I love black thongs
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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