I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
