I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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